CNY is here !! But I Miss Someone Greatly…

It’s CNY again! Normally when I’m still a kid, when this time of the year arrives, I would be jumping around the house… No class, Get to meet all my cousins, get to collect the red packets!!

But that is all when I’m a child.. When i grow older, the feeling fades out.. I no longer have the enthusiasm for the festival.. Its just another opportunity for me to rest only.

Today, eve of CNY.. We have the prayers for our ancestors.. Suddenly I thought of someone.. A person who meant alot to me.. A person who cares for me, trust me, supports me wholeheartedly. A very giving person towards me and never expects anything in return..

My Great Grandmother..

She passed away when I’m in Poly Year 1.. At the age of 97..
She is considered to be the leader of the family. Holding all the branches.. So that every stem and bush holds firmly together. So on the 1st day of CNY, everyone will “automatically” report to my home (she stays with my family)..
But after she passed away.. Everyone seems to split away.. It’s only during someone’s wedding or my granny’s birthday that I get to see everyone together..

But what reminds me of my great grandmother was her real kind nature.. I’m very close to her since young. She will comb my hair.. Fold my sleeves, Sing to me.. Cover my blankets.. All these might seem very normal acts of someone’s granny.. But, my great grandma lost her sight due to old age.. Her pupils turn white. She can’t see, but she still showered me with endless love acts.. Once when we are still living at our terrace house in Faber Heights.. When I’m less than 10 years old, my parents where out for dinner, i felt rather hungry… Being the loving person, she walk to the kitchen with her walking sticks. Cooked a packet of instant noodles for me.. Been young, i have not really thought much about that act.. But I remembered it since then.. It’s really kinda dangerous for her to cook.. You should have seen my old kitchen.. I didn’t know how she manage to find all the things as well. Everytime my mum is the one who brings her food.. Thus, i don’t know how long it takes for her to find all the pots and stuffs.. & all i did was to wait in the living room, watching TV!!

Another thing was, she always have so much faith in me.. No matter how naughty i was. No matter what happens.. No matter whether i was rude to her at anytime (very seldom though, coz i love her alot too), whenever my grand aunties came over to my place, she would always be praising about me.. Saying I have been a very obedient child.. How good I have been.. Not mentioning anything about my other siblings.. Just me..

I do regret alot when she passed away.. Coz I felt I have not really spend alot of time with her after I entered poly. Freedom.. Thus, i had all the fun I might have.. Been home late.. Even so, she would still cover my blankets for me in the middle of the night (We slept side by side, her bed is higher than mine though) Or somedays I would disturb her by pulling her fingers.. So that she will pat on my hands for me to go to bed.. Beside her, I always felt so safe and good.

Anyway.. Why I thought of her was because of the food my mum prepared for the prayers.. Her favorite food..

Great Grandma have been a strong & kind woman.. Brought her kids from China to Singapore alone.. Going thru World War 1 and 2… Even though she is not with me now, I believe she is still around somewhere.. I believe she is definitey still somewhere watching over me.. & I hope someday I will do her proud.. I will be a strong person as she is..

What Do You Want????

As Kids.. Have you ever quarrel with your siblings before? Does it result to “cold war” ? How long does your cold war last? How do you feel about it?

Just for information, in my family. i have another 3 siblings… 2 Brothers & 1 Sister.. I’m the youngest.. But I definitely do not feel that I’m spoilt or whatsoever. Our age gap are between 3-6 years.. We often have different views in a whole lot of things.. But maybe the characters of gender helps alittle.. The guys seem alittle less to care much about? (Or maybe they do not really show they care?) The gals are the ones who keep rumbling about what’s going on..

Some years ago.. I did something that hurt them quite abit. Maybe towards mum & sis in particular.. Which made them slightly disappointed in me? Thus from then on, they do not really trust my decisions that much already. Haiz.. One mistake.. & You will never know how long it takes to rebuild that trust.. But I have learnt from that lesson as well. I do grow up.. Don’t I? Can’t you see?

Recently.. Had another argument with my sis.. Had been a week that we never talk to each other. (Even though we sleep beside each other) The longest period of time I think. Normally I will just try to talk to her after 1 to 2 days. But this time round. I’m really unhappy about the way she does things. Thus.. I never attempt anything.. Until today…Cooked some noodles (for mum & me initially but mum hint that sis hav not eaten as well) thus made a bowl for sis as well. Made everything ready. Brought the bowl to the living room, placed it on the table where she is sitting.. Asked her to eat… But… No Nothing… No Thank You.. No Nodding of head.. Nothing… Do you really have to be so “cool”?

You cannot expect everyone to see things the way you do… I am a human as well. I have my own thoughts. Can’t you try to understand what I want? How do you see me as a person then? Don’t guide me just by one mistake. Moreover.. You know jolly well who is the cause of it.. Definitely not me…

How long more will this last… Hate it..

Brand New Year – 2006

Its a start of a new year again..
Have you review on what you have acheived on the previous year? Have you been true to yourself and got what you plan to achieve? Or have you been aimless again wasting your time away. Just like many others?

Year 2005 have passed by extremely fast. Within, I switched between 2 Jobs. One as an Operations Officer in a offshore bank. The other as a Sales Engineer which i am currently still doing and enjoying it as well. Been to 4 different countries within 2005. China, Taiwan, Hongkong, Italy. Had my record for drinking 13 cups of red wine within 2 hours. (Social Drinking). Finally getting my hands on “Marketing”. Something I always wanted to do but due to my cert.. (Only in Electrical Engineering) I did not manage to get a Job in it. But now, I finally got the chance to do it!

Honestly speaking. This is not what i want yet. Hmm.. There seems so much left undone in my life.. & I’m getting older! omg… Which is so not good…. Have been asking myself to buck up from time to time.. But why am I still so slow in my progress.. Haiz.. Really need to restructure somethings somewhere.

Year 2006. I wanna have a more stable career!!! How do I get about doing it? Hmm… Only way for a more stable one might be starting something yourself. Which I am not confident in it yet. Thus, for now, workng for someone else.. But who can assure me a more stable path? Maybe not my current one though.. Hmm.. Small companies normally have high turnovers? Thus, i shall aim for a MNC.. Before that.. Brush up my skills !! Ganbatte !!